2022 B'Mitzvah Project

I am a Black, queer, nonbinary, autistic, multiply disabled person adopted at the age of three by a white Jewish family. Here, in a video my parents took, you can witness one of my earliest attempts to fit in by imitating those around me.

[Video: Makiah, age 34 months, seated in kitchen of preadoptive family, holding up a kiddush cup and reciting a Hebrew blessing. Audio: "Baruch atah adonai elohenyu melech haolam borei pri hagafen amen" recited rapidly.]  

"I have also had the experience in which programs that focus on the needs of queer or 'troubled' youth are very focused on the needs of protecting our privacy, especially from our parents -- operating on the assumption that all of our parents are unsupportive. At one place, the online portal of anyone over 12 is automatically set up so parents cannot view it and cannot communicate with the providers. This makes sense for a lot of the people they see, but I need help communicating things accurately, so my provider had to convince them to give my parents access. However, at the places I go that specialize in youths with disabilities, they actually have the exact opposite policy, and have rules that only parents can communicate with the providers. It seems like someone should come up with something that allows privacy and autonomy and recognizes that people might need help with things.

"I have also had people in various settings look at my body language and decide I am much younger and tell me people under 10 should not be there, or they just assume I can't possibly be in a middle-school program and tell me I'm in the wrong place. Sometimes people who do have my age decide I won't understand basic language or concepts or think things don't apply to me. I've watched on the screen at appointments and seen people skipping all of the adolescent questions that it says to ask for my age. "

"My friend refers to 'the five-second rule' regarding disabilities, which means that if you can think of it in five seconds, I can think of it in five seconds too. When someone says they need a particular accommodation, or can't do something, or they don't benefit from a particular accommodation, resist the urge to give unsolicited advice or assistance. Surely a person with a disability or their caregivers have already thought of it, and there's a reason it doesn't work for them."

"Sometimes people notice my slow processing and difficulty answering questions, and instead of asking me what helps me, they start asking the questions in infantilizing ways that are even more confusing. Of course I know my address. I've known it since preschool. But when you ask, 'Where you do live?' I'm going to tell you I live at my house with my parents, because that's a different question, so it's unprofessional to laugh at me for answering the question you asked instead of the one I expect a receptionist to ask. Giving me a written form would be easier for me, or showing me the screen and asking me to confirm any changes, but I will ask if I need this, and I usually don't for routine questions." 

"I’ve played cello for 10 years and I participate in a program that provides a full scholarship to a music conservatory for Black and Hispanic musicians with the goal of pursuing a music degree in college. The program, however, fails to recognize that our communities have higher rates of disabilities, neurodivergence, and trauma. They flat-out told me that students who can audition into a conservatory program wouldn’t have disabilities. They told me this after I passed the audition and my parents and I were sitting there talking about my disabilities! When I told my program I could not go to an overnight camp as they require because I need help with daily living tasks and an entirely new setting would be too much adjustment for my autistic brain, instead of recommending one of the many elite music day camps like the one I found myself, they recommended I attend a music camp for significantly developmentally disabled students. I am sure it is a great program and I would have probably enjoyed the peers there, but the program does not provide anything relevant for students preparing to audition for college music programs."

"In mainstream Black communities, I am usually accepted, but I sometimes run into assumptions that I don’t know how to do hygiene and household tasks because white parents often do not find these as important as Black families do. I try to explain that I understand the importance, but I need help with things involving motor skills or a lot of steps. In Black communities, I am constantly given messages about how we are perceived as older and less innocent, and that it’s important I speak and dress and conduct myself like a child. I very much understand this dynamic through articles I’ve read and experiences my peers tell me about, but I don’t share the experience. I am 4’10” at my full adult height and need help with a lot of things, so I struggle with people perceiving me as a young child. Black youth are adultified while disabled folks are infantilized."

"In disability communities white people talk about not teaching compliance, which is an important concept in disability justice,  but for Black disabled people, it would be a mistake to not teach that in certain situations we really do need to follow rules immediately for our safety." 

"Jewish communities in the U.S. are often really white. When we point this out, a lot of white Jews either start talking about how Jewish people aren't actually white, or they say there aren't Jews of color, or they say the only Jews of color are a few converts. Jewish people of course can be any race, and even so, it's still valid for people of color to say we are uncomfortable in really white spaces."